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A creature of habit

I am a creature of habit, yet I hate habit. It is like an intoxication culling segments of you, reducing yourself to a brood of crawling things. And like a broken piano, all keys now play the same intolerable, comatose chord.

I am addicted to habit: when I leave habit, I feel exhilarated and refreshed; when I reflect on my habit, I feel prisoner and desperate. Yet I can’t let habit go: it forms on me, it grows on me like the woolly fungi that grow on insects and induce torpor, becoming death.

I am thirty, and I still don’t know how to live.


  1. welcome in the club, bro.

  2. Vale Vale

    It’s bad, it’s true, to still not know how to live when you’re thirty. However, look around you: those who do, are a little scary don’t you think?

  3. guacho guacho

    Hey DR, is that a remark to your new job?
    I am just wondering how are you doing.


  4. Val: Well, yes, I mean “know how to live” in a deeper meaning. A bit more like yours.

    guacho: No, it has little to do with the job -which is fine, even if a bit circular.

  5. Lukasz Bartnik Lukasz Bartnik

    Hi, reading your blog makes me wander how many of us experience anything like this around their 30th birthday… Anyway, it seems that choosing the job is not the real problem – it’s rather about being happy with whatever you might be doing in your life. I’ve come through something like this lately and this helped me:
    I guess in Poland it may be different than wherever you are – or you may simply distrust this church – but maybe this (or similar) direction is also worth looking at.

    Hope you’ll eventually find your place.

  6. Habits are the walls of our prison, and the only way to feel free is to live in the prison. You’ll only feel the freshness if you also feel the walls.

    Or so I think 🙂


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